A First Birthday Party

Kenley has been with us just over a month now.  There have been many first.  Her first movie, first taco, first cupcake, first worship service, first choir, first gymnastics class, shopping for her own clothes,  and the list goes on.  I remember those first with our other children, and as special as they were it has been a little different with Kenley.  As we experience each of her first it really is reminder to me of all the things we have and all the things that we take for granted.  Some things I am aware that this is probably a first for her, other times I can tell by her smile, her reaction or just the sound she makes of excitement.  Many times she gives a thumbs up to show her approval.  I know that some day soon Kenley will be able to tell us what she has and has not experienced, we look forward to that day.
This weekend we celebrated a very special first.  Kenley's 1st birthday with our family as she turned 7.  As far as we know this is Kenley's first party with her own cake and gifts.  The girls and I went shopping early in the week.  Kenley picked out her napkins, plates and even her cake.  She was so excited.  Today we celebrated by going to Theater and Tea with the girls American Girl dolls and with a very low key party.  Family, pizza, cake,  her favorite strawberry ice cream and gifts.  Happy Birthday sweet Kenley we are so excited to have you home!

Kenley starts school

Kenley was really unsure the first day we took Tatum to school.   She cried quietly that morning as we dropped Tatum off.  I am sure the unknown of what was happening had to be fearful.  As the week progressed she understood that Tatum went to school and we picked her up then we were all together again.  Each day she looked forward to the time to go pick Tatum up from school.  She clapped and grinned saying Tatum Tatum.  I used google translate to ask Kenley if it made her sad to take Tatum to school, she nodded yes.  I asked if she would like to go to school with Tatum and again a yes.  I then asked if she was afraid of going to school and she gave a big nod of no and smiled.  So Kenley and I set out to get her immunizations up to date and register her for school.  It has been almost a full week of school and she is doing amazing. The pictures above are from her first day, the last one is of the girls home after a great day and ready to do homework.  We feel so fortunate that Kenley was placed in to a class that has been so accepting.  Our hopes had been that Kenley would come home this past summer and we would begin school in the fall.  Since that didn't happen one of my worries was for Kenley and how she would adjust being thrown in to a class of unfamiliar children and unable to understand anything being said.  Well NO WORRIES again God showed me that He is in control and I'm not.  Kenley's teacher welcomed Kenley with open arms and has loved her in a way I could never imagined.  Again we are so blessed by the amazing people God keeps placing in our lives.  Her situation at school could not be any better, with a teacher that has not only welcomed Kenley, loved and accepted her but a new class of friends that have been so kind.  Kenley may not be able to tell us what she is thinking or what she feels but her face says it all.  She is happy to be at school and is ready to learn new things.

Josh Wilson - I Refuse (Slideshow With Lyrics)

Weekend fun

We took a trip to my dads this past weekend.  It was time for Kenley to meet Papaw and Mamaw.  There was a little added fun to the weekend because Papaw and Mamaw had 18 new puppies that the girls got to hold and love on.  My Dad and his wife raise Golden Retrievers, they are the cutest things you have ever seen and really the best dogs ever.  Just ask the girls big Sis who owns one of  Papaw and Mamaw's pups, his name is Cash or take a look for yourself on her blog Blissfully Cotton.

Yesterday I posted about Chinese Adoption and a book I read this weekend.  Kenley's adoption has, I am guessing, made others feel more comfortable in talking to our family about adoption and specifically why there are so many orphans in China.  I am happy to share about our experience.  I hope through our girls others will see that there are amazing children in the world who just need a family to give them a chance at a life outside of an orphanage, a chance to be a part of a family.  So a little more of where I left off yesterday.

There are orphanages in most provinces in China.  Tatum's orphanage had 500 children, Kenley's 1000, I have heard of an orphanage in a very poor province which has 2000 children living there.  The children are cared for to the best of the ability of the staff at the orphanage.  There may be 2 Nannies looking after as many as 20 infants or toddlers.  The children have a very structured schedule. The basic needs of the children are met while in the orphanage. Many children are fostered to families who are willing.  The orphanage pays these families for food and basic needs for their foster child.  Neither of our girls were in foster families but others I know have adopted children who were cared for by foster families.   The goal for the orphanage, the foster families and the Chinese officials is for the children under their care to have a forever family, whether it is a family in China or from one of the 15 countries that adopt from China.  Photos and health reports are prepared and the officials in China work with agencies all over the world to place the children.  That is where ours and others stories begin with our children.  Just as each child's beginning is different.  The child's story continues differently with a new family that has been chosen to adopt them.  How all of these children's stories are the same, they now have a family who wanted a child who needed a  family.

Great Day

Today was probably the best day we have had since we have been home.  It has been hard but as Barry said last night we knew it would be. We didn't step in to this without knowing there would be difficult days.   Most days we have had only a couple of bad hours out of the day so I won't complain.   I have tried different approaches, trying to be really expressive letting Kenley know how proud, happy, disappointed, etc. by my tone, gestures, and facials.  How frustrating she must feel to not know what anyone is saying.  The most exciting thing I found (through a mom walking this path just two weeks ahead of us) is google translate.  It is a wonderful tool.  I just type in what I'd like to say and it says it in Chinese.  Kenley listens to the computer then I repeat it in English.  Today when she was frustrated we went to the computer to talk, it was great.  If nothing else she now knows that Momma and Daddy want to understand her as much as she wants to understand us.  We were experiencing some behavior problems that were just so frustrating for me and now they seem to be gone (at least for today).  With google translate, I don't have to depend on gestures or tone that may or may not be misunderstood  I can just type.

I read a great book this weekend that a friend brought to me.  "When you were born in China" by Sara Dorow  the book is written to help children adopted from China understand a little about their life before they were adopted.  A hard thing to tell your child and I am guessing one day my daughters will want to know why.  Will they ask me?  Will they look online?  Should I tell them before they wonder?  I want them to be proud of who they are, proud of where they came from.  God gave them their beginning.  Their story is unique to them.  It is their story and I am so proud of them, in their young little six year old bodies the strength they have.
I realized as I read this book it answered a lot of questions that I am asked each day.  I recommend it to those who have adopted from China or are interested in China adoption. I'll answer a little here what I am asked, although the answers are easily found online and in a number of books on Chinese adoption. 
Years ago the government decided that there were too many people in China.  If the population continued to grow, there would be many more problems.
China was already struggling  with having enough housing for every family.  The government was concerned about jobs and providing enough food for everyone might be especially difficult.
The leaders in China made some new laws.  Which included only allowing families to have one child, or sometimes two.  They felt this would slow the population growth. Those  who broke this rule faced severe punishment.
Parents in China love their children and the families there are very close. Sons in China take care of their parents when their parents are old.  The parents usually live with their son until they die.  But if families only have a daughter their daughter will get married and leave to live with her husbands family.
Many families in China do not have the money to take care of themselves when they are old.  If a family is only allowed one child they feel they have no option if they can only have one child they need a son.
It is not that these girls are not wanted or loved.  And I think that is what many people think.  I believe it is out of a desperation that I know I have never experienced.  It is heartbrealking that a family would have to make a choice such as this.  The reality is that for a family to survive in their old age they needed  a son.  If the parents kept their daughter and gave birth to another child this would break the law and most likely they would be punished or made to pay a large sum of money, more money than they had.  Of course there could be other reasons a single mom, extreme poverrty, a child who needs medical attention that the family cannot pay for.
Families have to make what has to be a painful decision and that is to give their child up.  China does not allow families to give their children to the orphanage.  Parents have to leave their children in public places or the orphanage gate so that they will be found by the police. 

Happy Chinese New Year!

The girls with their Red Envelopes for Chinese New Year.

Kenley meets Tatum's classmates

Monday morning as we drove to school, Tatum and I noticed Kenley had tears in her eyes.  We tried to explain what we were doing, that Tatum was going to school and Kenley would spend the day with Mom.  If only I knew what she was thinking.  I am sure there are fears.  I am trying to keep her home as much as possible.  It is a little hard with Tatum's activities and Tatum feeling she needs me there.  I think Kenley just needs to feel safety.  Staying close to home and introducing things slowly seems to be the best thing for her right now.

Tatum was anxious to introduce Kenley to her class.  We did that yesterday and Tatum's teacher was very sweet to invite Kenley to stay for fun centers. Kenley did very well with the activities and the children.  Kenley really isn't talking much except for the English words she knows.  She repeats them over and over.  Each day she is adding new words to her vocabulary.  Kathy brought her a new computer and she loves playing with it.  As she plays she is learning to recognize her numbers and the alphabet.  She is a very smart girl.



I tried to prepare

I knew adopting older would be more challenging than adopting a toddler.  I tried to prepare myself by reading everything I could, imagining situations I might face and becoming a part of groups of parents who have adopted older.  I don't think you can ever fully prepare and every child is different so, one persons situation may not be anything like what another experiences.  I had heard that adoptive children who have been institutionalized revert to a younger stage and I was even told to prepare to be a mom of a toddler in a six year old body.  I didn't understand that.  I understand it now.  Kenley has never had a home so everything about your home that you don't think about daily or you take for granted, even those basic things,she has no idea how to use them or what they are for.  The simplest things are exciting, for example mom pouring sugar from the bag to the canister.  Using a fork has been challenging, we are working on table manners, and just manners in general.
Kenley is very independent I am sure she has done for herself all of her life.  It has been good for us the past two days to have some time alone while Tatum is at school and Barry is at work.  Although she has missed them and ask several times a day Tatum? Baba? as she shrugs her shoulders. (Baba is the name for Daddy in China.)  I have been able to pamper her a little, do the things a mom does for their child that I am guessing Kenley has never had done for her.  In China she allowed me to help her but I felt she wasn't exactly comfortable with it.  Today I rubbed some smelly lotion on her little arms and legs and she just smiled and shook her head as she smelled the sweet smell.  She enjoyed the blow drying of her hair today and smiled at the reflection and nodded approval at how it was styled. I can only imagine how different her life is- living in a dorm style room with 23 other girls, many severly handicapped or with illnesses such as heart defect and cancer sharing a community bathroom.  Having the same routine and schedule everyday of your life, eating the same food everyday, no freedom to really be a child, no mom or dad to hug you, tuck you in at night, pray with and for you.  I am thankful that God has given us Kenley now we can hug her, tuck her in, feed her, pray with her and be her family. 
Tatum has been an amazing and loving little sister.  She has been so kind about sharing her things.  She considers everything she has both hers and Kenley's.  Kenley on the other hand wants to take anything that is given to her and put it all together in a drawer.  I know she has never had anything and she may be afraid that it may be taken from her.  If I only could know what she is thinking and if only she could understand how we ALL wanted her, love her and want her to have everything that is ours to be hers as well.  Soon I know she will, soon.